Romney: 'This Is Why They Call Me Turnaround Mitty From Comeback City'
LEXINGTON, VA—Speaking at a rally on Monday, GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney told supporters his dramatic resurgence in the polls following last week’s debate had once again proved that he deserves his well-known moniker, Turnaround Mitty from Comeback City. “Since as far back as I can remember, folks have been calling me Turnaround Mitty from Comeback City, and just like in Detroit, Massachusetts, and Salt Lake, Turnaround Mitty from Comeback City has pulled through,” said Romney, adding that “the ol’ T.M.F.C.C. has struck again.” “There were many who doubted me, but everyone on the Nitty-Gritty Mitty Committee knew that Turnaround Mitty from Comeback City would one day be sitting pretty.” The candidate added that rebounds such as this one also explain why his close friends like to call him the Salt Lake Sultan of Surge.
Romney To Town Hall Audience: 'I Own Horses And Care For Them, And You Are All Like Horses'
HEMPSTEAD, NY—In an apparent attempt to demonstrate empathy for everyday working Americans, GOP candidate Mitt Romney likened the audience at the town hall debate Tuesday to the many horses he owns and cares for, saying that, in a way, the majority of the American people are like helpless stable animals. “The horses I own, especially the ones who specialize in dressage, need constant attention because they are unable to care for themselves, much like all of you,” said Romney, adding that to the extent that horses aren’t the smartest animals out there, average Americans “aren’t that bright either.” “See, if I didn’t buy my horses and train them, they would be roaming around a some field somewhere, lacking any sort of direction. They wouldn’t know there is a better, more fulfilling life for them out there in which I am their owner and master. So what I’m saying is, let me buy you, and everything will be better.” To further the analogy, Romney said that when Americans get sick or break a leg, they should be shot.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.
