Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:19pm
Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
Page 11 of 16
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:29pm
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."tepista wrote:Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:45pm
Knock KnockDr. Medulla wrote:"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."tepista wrote:Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:52pm
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.tepista wrote:Knock KnockDr. Medulla wrote:"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."tepista wrote:Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:55pm
What's the deal with scientists?tepista wrote:A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.tepista wrote:Knock KnockDr. Medulla wrote:"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."tepista wrote:Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 12:59pm
Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote:What's the deal with scientists?tepista wrote:A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.tepista wrote:Knock KnockDr. Medulla wrote:"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."tepista wrote:
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 1:05pm
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"Dr. Medulla wrote:Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote:What's the deal with scientists?tepista wrote:A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.tepista wrote:Knock KnockDr. Medulla wrote: "Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 1:21pm
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"Dr. Medulla wrote:Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote:What's the deal with scientists?tepista wrote:A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.tepista wrote: Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.
It's funny cuz its true
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 4:00pm
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?Dr. Medulla wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"Dr. Medulla wrote:Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote:What's the deal with scientists?tepista wrote: A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 4:08pm
Rectum? It nearly crucified him!tepista wrote:Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?Dr. Medulla wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"Dr. Medulla wrote:Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 4:22pm
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]tepista wrote:Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?tepista wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.Dr. Medulla wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"tepista wrote:Can we talk in tongues?Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 15 Apr 2015, 9:55pm
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]Dr. Medulla wrote:Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?tepista wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"Dr. Medulla wrote:Can we talk in tongues?tepista wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please!
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 16 Apr 2015, 6:15am
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]JennyB wrote:Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?Dr. Medulla wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"tepista wrote:Can we talk in tongues?Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please![/quote]
And so the blasphemer said, "Live and let Leviticus." Then we stoned him.
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 16 Apr 2015, 5:46pm
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]JennyB wrote:Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?Dr. Medulla wrote:What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.tepista wrote:Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"tepista wrote:Can we talk in tongues?Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please![/quote]
Re: Top 5 Comedians?
Posted: 28 Aug 2016, 7:37am
Zipped thru Bob Odenkirk's A Load of Hooey last night and dug this piece:
In the midst of the Freedom Riders summer, King was called upon to give a speech at the Rock of Abernathy Baptist Church in Abernathy, Mississippi. It was a hot summer, even for Mississippi, and King had had weeks to prepare this speech, but for some reason he dillydallied. If he was betting on rising to the occasion, he lost that bet.
People in attendance that day remember the speech as “the opposite of a shining moment” and “terrible.” Abernathy’s Reverend Fulton Slocum dismissed it as “a total waste of everyone’s time.”
While there is no medical proof, King scholars have ascribed his complete oratorical failure to “possibly low blood sugar” or “simply the greatest brain fart ever.”
Here, then, is a transcript of Martin Luther King Jr.’s worst speech ever.
LOOK UPON THINE FLYING EYEBALLS
by M.L.K. JR.
As transcribed, verbatim, from the actual event.
Uhh. Um. Hello. Hi. I was not told I would be speaking today, but, I guess—I’m Martin Luther King, I’m invited to a church, should’ve put two and two together.
[To himself] You can do this, King, come on, get it together.
[To the crowd] We stand together today, all of us, black and white. Well, there’s not so many white people here. [Squinting] Maybe some in the back. Not important, moving on.
All of us here today are a great conflagration! What? That’s not the word. Congregation. Not the same thing.
[Wipes his brow] Whew—it is hot in here. Man, it’s hot here in the great state of Kentucky.
[Whispers to the side] What’s that? Alabama? Mississippi? Okay, Mississippi. So why did that guy say Alabama? Yes, you did. You guys heard him. Whatever. That’s what I get for asking the peanut gallery to opine.
[To himself] Let it go, Martin. Back on track—
We stand together. Some of you are sitting, I know. But in your hearts you are standing! You are standing! No, you don’t have to stand up. Sit back down, please. Don’t listen to me. I mean, listen to me, but don’t do what I tell you to do. Just sit back down.
See, I can see into your hearts—your happy, hopeful hearts, some of them hurting, all hoping to heal. What the heck’s with the letter h all of a sudden?
[To himself] Back up, King, get on track here.
Your hearts can see—they do, they can see better things. The eyes in your hearts are hopeful! Hopeful eyes that fly with wings! Blind to hatred, blind to retribution. Blind eyes that fly! Think about that! Boy oh boy oh boy, that’s something, isn’t it? That…strains credulity.
Let me begin anew. Let us all begin anew: me with the talking, you with the listening.
Can I get an “Amen”?? I can’t? Okay…par for the course.
Wrap it up, Martin.
Okay…what I’m thinking of is…a metaphor. A glorious metaphor like a shining beacon. A profound, top-notch metaphor. Imagine, for me, if you will, a metaphor for suffering, for sorrow, for persecution, but also for redemption, for joy, for celebration. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it? Is this mic on?
Okay, that’s all I got. I still have time? How about I do a Q and A? No? No questions? Criminy, it’s a steam bath in here.
In the midst of the Freedom Riders summer, King was called upon to give a speech at the Rock of Abernathy Baptist Church in Abernathy, Mississippi. It was a hot summer, even for Mississippi, and King had had weeks to prepare this speech, but for some reason he dillydallied. If he was betting on rising to the occasion, he lost that bet.
People in attendance that day remember the speech as “the opposite of a shining moment” and “terrible.” Abernathy’s Reverend Fulton Slocum dismissed it as “a total waste of everyone’s time.”
While there is no medical proof, King scholars have ascribed his complete oratorical failure to “possibly low blood sugar” or “simply the greatest brain fart ever.”
Here, then, is a transcript of Martin Luther King Jr.’s worst speech ever.
LOOK UPON THINE FLYING EYEBALLS
by M.L.K. JR.
As transcribed, verbatim, from the actual event.
Uhh. Um. Hello. Hi. I was not told I would be speaking today, but, I guess—I’m Martin Luther King, I’m invited to a church, should’ve put two and two together.
[To himself] You can do this, King, come on, get it together.
[To the crowd] We stand together today, all of us, black and white. Well, there’s not so many white people here. [Squinting] Maybe some in the back. Not important, moving on.
All of us here today are a great conflagration! What? That’s not the word. Congregation. Not the same thing.
[Wipes his brow] Whew—it is hot in here. Man, it’s hot here in the great state of Kentucky.
[Whispers to the side] What’s that? Alabama? Mississippi? Okay, Mississippi. So why did that guy say Alabama? Yes, you did. You guys heard him. Whatever. That’s what I get for asking the peanut gallery to opine.
[To himself] Let it go, Martin. Back on track—
We stand together. Some of you are sitting, I know. But in your hearts you are standing! You are standing! No, you don’t have to stand up. Sit back down, please. Don’t listen to me. I mean, listen to me, but don’t do what I tell you to do. Just sit back down.
See, I can see into your hearts—your happy, hopeful hearts, some of them hurting, all hoping to heal. What the heck’s with the letter h all of a sudden?
[To himself] Back up, King, get on track here.
Your hearts can see—they do, they can see better things. The eyes in your hearts are hopeful! Hopeful eyes that fly with wings! Blind to hatred, blind to retribution. Blind eyes that fly! Think about that! Boy oh boy oh boy, that’s something, isn’t it? That…strains credulity.
Let me begin anew. Let us all begin anew: me with the talking, you with the listening.
Can I get an “Amen”?? I can’t? Okay…par for the course.
Wrap it up, Martin.
Okay…what I’m thinking of is…a metaphor. A glorious metaphor like a shining beacon. A profound, top-notch metaphor. Imagine, for me, if you will, a metaphor for suffering, for sorrow, for persecution, but also for redemption, for joy, for celebration. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it? Is this mic on?
Okay, that’s all I got. I still have time? How about I do a Q and A? No? No questions? Criminy, it’s a steam bath in here.