Top 5 Comedians?

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tepista
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 12:19pm

Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
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We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Dr. Medulla
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 15 Apr 2015, 12:29pm

tepista wrote:
Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
Image
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

tepista
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 12:45pm

Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
Image
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

tepista
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 12:52pm

tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
Image
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

tepista
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Posts: 31899
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Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one

Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 12:55pm

tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Chuck Mangione wrote:Observation: pretty much all of my favorite/the best comics are atheists.
Image
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
What's the deal with scientists?
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Dr. Medulla
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Posts: 71096
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Nerdo Crombezia
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 15 Apr 2015, 12:59pm

tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote: Image
"Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

tepista
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Posts: 31899
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 11:25am
Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one

Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 1:05pm

Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote: "Mom, dad, the Lord has called me to serve the faith … as a juggler."
http://www.christiancomedyacts.com/jugglers/
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Dr. Medulla
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Posts: 71096
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Location: Nerdo Crombezia
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 15 Apr 2015, 1:21pm

tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote: Knock Knock
Who's There?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf Agsgotohell.

It's funny cuz its true
A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

tepista
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Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one

Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 4:00pm

Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote: A priest, a rabbi, and whatever a muslim version of a priest is go to the gates of heaven. Only the priest got in.
What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

tepista
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Posts: 31899
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 11:25am
Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one

Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by tepista » 15 Apr 2015, 4:08pm

tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Rectum? It nearly crucified him!
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Dr. Medulla
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Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 71096
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Nerdo Crombezia
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 15 Apr 2015, 4:22pm

tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

JennyB
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by JennyB » 15 Apr 2015, 9:55pm

Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please!
Got a Rake? Sure!

IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M

Don't talk shop.

Dr. Medulla
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 16 Apr 2015, 6:15am

JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please![/quote]
And so the blasphemer said, "Live and let Leviticus." Then we stoned him.
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

Marky Dread
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Marky Dread » 16 Apr 2015, 5:46pm

JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
tepista wrote:
tepista wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote: What's the deal with scientists?
Can we talk in tongues?
Athiests be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter" but Christians be all "look at me, I can sin all I want and it doesn't matter as long as I confess"
What do you get when you cross an atheist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, and a Buddhist? I don't know, but you won't see them in heaven.
Q: What weighs most: Jesus, the Easter Bunny, or a Brontosaurus?
A: Jesus. There's no such thing as dinosaurs.
Rectum? It nearly crucified him![/quote]
And so the kangaroo says to the bartender, "At these prices, I hope someone is praying that Jesus forgives your sins!"[/quote]
Take my wife (her name is Eve and she is tempting me with an apple) please![/quote]
Image
Image
Image

Dr. Medulla
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Re: Top 5 Comedians?

Post by Dr. Medulla » 28 Aug 2016, 7:37am

Zipped thru Bob Odenkirk's A Load of Hooey last night and dug this piece:


In the midst of the Freedom Riders summer, King was called upon to give a speech at the Rock of Abernathy Baptist Church in Abernathy, Mississippi. It was a hot summer, even for Mississippi, and King had had weeks to prepare this speech, but for some reason he dillydallied. If he was betting on rising to the occasion, he lost that bet.

People in attendance that day remember the speech as “the opposite of a shining moment” and “terrible.” Abernathy’s Reverend Fulton Slocum dismissed it as “a total waste of everyone’s time.”

While there is no medical proof, King scholars have ascribed his complete oratorical failure to “possibly low blood sugar” or “simply the greatest brain fart ever.”

Here, then, is a transcript of Martin Luther King Jr.’s worst speech ever.


LOOK UPON THINE FLYING EYEBALLS
by M.L.K. JR.
As transcribed, verbatim, from the actual event.

Uhh. Um. Hello. Hi. I was not told I would be speaking today, but, I guess—I’m Martin Luther King, I’m invited to a church, should’ve put two and two together.

[To himself] You can do this, King, come on, get it together.

[To the crowd] We stand together today, all of us, black and white. Well, there’s not so many white people here. [Squinting] Maybe some in the back. Not important, moving on.

All of us here today are a great conflagration! What? That’s not the word. Congregation. Not the same thing.

[Wipes his brow] Whew—it is hot in here. Man, it’s hot here in the great state of Kentucky.

[Whispers to the side] What’s that? Alabama? Mississippi? Okay, Mississippi. So why did that guy say Alabama? Yes, you did. You guys heard him. Whatever. That’s what I get for asking the peanut gallery to opine.

[To himself] Let it go, Martin. Back on track—

We stand together. Some of you are sitting, I know. But in your hearts you are standing! You are standing! No, you don’t have to stand up. Sit back down, please. Don’t listen to me. I mean, listen to me, but don’t do what I tell you to do. Just sit back down.

See, I can see into your hearts—your happy, hopeful hearts, some of them hurting, all hoping to heal. What the heck’s with the letter h all of a sudden?

[To himself] Back up, King, get on track here.

Your hearts can see—they do, they can see better things. The eyes in your hearts are hopeful! Hopeful eyes that fly with wings! Blind to hatred, blind to retribution. Blind eyes that fly! Think about that! Boy oh boy oh boy, that’s something, isn’t it? That…strains credulity.

Let me begin anew. Let us all begin anew: me with the talking, you with the listening.

Can I get an “Amen”?? I can’t? Okay…par for the course.

Wrap it up, Martin.

Okay…what I’m thinking of is…a metaphor. A glorious metaphor like a shining beacon. A profound, top-notch metaphor. Imagine, for me, if you will, a metaphor for suffering, for sorrow, for persecution, but also for redemption, for joy, for celebration. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it? Is this mic on?

Okay, that’s all I got. I still have time? How about I do a Q and A? No? No questions? Criminy, it’s a steam bath in here.
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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