If Music Could Talk

tepista wrote:http://www.theonion.com/articles/stress ... r-o,37580/

Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.

Dr. Medulla wrote:

Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/

Spiff wrote:

Dr. Medulla wrote:

Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/

But what about the pricks in uber-Saharan Africa?

Don't Algerian douchebags deserve this relief?

Dr. Medulla wrote:

Spiff wrote:

Dr. Medulla wrote:

Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/

But what about the pricks in uber-Saharan Africa?

Don't Algerian douchebags deserve this relief?

They're getting a bunch of Apple Newtons.

Bouncer Instructed Not To Let People Like Himself In
COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to maintain a peaceful and enjoyable atmosphere for guests at local nightclub Zenith, bouncer Anthony Russo was given strict instructions Wednesday not to let people like himself in. “Make sure you keep out any hotheads who seem like they’re just looking for a fight,” said club owner Greg Taylor to the frightening muscleman who has been known to instigate violence at even the slightest real or imagined provocation. “We don’t want this club turning into the kind of place where troublemakers hang out.” At press time, the man who had injected large quantities of illegal anabolic steroids into his bloodstream hours earlier was also told not to admit anyone who was carrying drugs.

tepista wrote:Hey! One about me!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/avoidi ... for,38338/

Dr. Medulla wrote:

tepista wrote:Hey! One about me!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/avoidi ... for,38338/

Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).

JennyB wrote:

Dr. Medulla wrote:

tepista wrote:Hey! One about me!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/avoidi ... for,38338/

Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).

Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.

tepista wrote:

JennyB wrote:

Dr. Medulla wrote:

tepista wrote:Hey! One about me!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/avoidi ... for,38338/

Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).

Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.

The last line says he never saw Avitar....me either!

tepista wrote:

JennyB wrote:

Dr. Medulla wrote:

tepista wrote:Hey! One about me!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/avoidi ... for,38338/

Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).

Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.

The last line says he never saw Avitar....me either!