The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Wolter » 04 Dec 2014, 12:07am

"There's something more honest, he believed, about traditional methods of mass starvation, labour camps, and machine gunning millions to death. Stalin was a vinyl guy who sneered at Truman converting everything to compact disc." - Thomas Jefferson

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by tepista » 09 Jan 2015, 2:30pm

We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 19 Jan 2015, 4:31pm

Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/
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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Spiff » 21 Jan 2015, 10:13am

Dr. Medulla wrote:
Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/
But what about the pricks in uber-Saharan Africa?

Don't Algerian douchebags deserve this relief?
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D'you know that you can use it?

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 21 Jan 2015, 10:20am

Spiff wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/
But what about the pricks in uber-Saharan Africa?

Don't Algerian douchebags deserve this relief?
They're getting a bunch of Apple Newtons. :yuck:
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by revbob » 22 Jan 2015, 9:19am

Dr. Medulla wrote:
Spiff wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
Unsold Google Glass Units To Be Donated To Assholes In Africa
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Following the company’s announcement that it would discontinue public sales of the wearable technology, Google officials confirmed Monday that all unsold units of Google Glass would be donated to underprivileged assholes in Africa. “We are committed to positively impacting the lives of poverty-stricken smug pricks by distributing the surplus inventory of Google Glass to self-important fucks throughout sub-Saharan Africa,” a statement released by the company read in part, adding that the program will provide the optical head-mounted technology, as well as professional training sessions, to destitute communities of conceited dicks from Sierra Leone, to Somalia, to Botswana. “This gesture will help tens of thousands of poor and needy men, women, and children across the continent who have never had the opportunity to walk around looking like a pompous jackass all day long. From the moment they turn on their new Google Glass in clear view of others, they’ll immediately start experiencing the undeserved sense of superiority currently lacking in their lives.” At press time, Google confirmed that the first devices had been presented to an indigent family of complete fucking jerkoffs from the Republic of Guinea.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/unsold ... ole,37798/
But what about the pricks in uber-Saharan Africa?

Don't Algerian douchebags deserve this relief?
They're getting a bunch of Apple Newtons. :yuck:
Finally a replacement for their IBM PC Jrs.

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 26 Feb 2015, 1:08pm

Special tepista content!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bounce ... elf,38098/
Bouncer Instructed Not To Let People Like Himself In
COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to maintain a peaceful and enjoyable atmosphere for guests at local nightclub Zenith, bouncer Anthony Russo was given strict instructions Wednesday not to let people like himself in. “Make sure you keep out any hotheads who seem like they’re just looking for a fight,” said club owner Greg Taylor to the frightening muscleman who has been known to instigate violence at even the slightest real or imagined provocation. “We don’t want this club turning into the kind of place where troublemakers hang out.” At press time, the man who had injected large quantities of illegal anabolic steroids into his bloodstream hours earlier was also told not to admit anyone who was carrying drugs.
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by tepista » 26 Feb 2015, 1:10pm

I was very friendly. The drugs part, though
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 16 Mar 2015, 1:30pm

Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by tepista » 02 Apr 2015, 12:09pm

We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 02 Apr 2015, 12:15pm

Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by JennyB » 02 Apr 2015, 12:54pm

Dr. Medulla wrote:
Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).
Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.
Got a Rake? Sure!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by tepista » 02 Apr 2015, 1:25pm

JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).
Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.
The last line says he never saw Avitar....me either!
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla » 02 Apr 2015, 4:51pm

tepista wrote:
JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).
Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.
The last line says he never saw Avitar....me either!
Nor I. But, then, I see maybe two movies a year in the theatre. When it's come on a movie channel, I haven't had a compulsion to see it.
Walrus birth doesn't make good breakfast conversation!

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Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by JennyB » 03 Apr 2015, 11:55am

tepista wrote:
JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
Ha! Me, too. The wife is infinitely more knowledgeable about contemporary pop music because she has the car radio tuned to one of those shitty stations that plays music that's supposed to make the work day less hellish (even tho I can't imagine a job where listening to that would make things better).
Me three! VH is the one who knows about the music these kids today (and Hoy) like.
The last line says he never saw Avitar....me either!
Me neither! :mrgreen:
Got a Rake? Sure!

IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M

Don't talk shop.

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