The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Sweet action for kids 'n' cretins. Marjoram and capers.
Post Reply
Rat Patrol
User avatar
Unknown Immortal
Posts: 15431
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 9:23pm
Location: A flat burning junkheap for twenty square miles

The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Rat Patrol »

http://www.theonion.com/articles/smart- ... g-a,17954/

Fuck, The Onion's so awesome I think it finally deserves its own thread to lord upon.

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

Back in '96, when B and I were in NC, my folks came down to visit. We drove up to Virginia to see … something to do with Woodrow Wilson … and were listening to the news on the radio. There was a story about SC looking to buy other states' nuclear waste and sink it in the swamp. B, my mother, and I expressed various shades of horror, but my dad confidently said, "There are minds greater than ours working on these problems." He didn't enjoy my response that it was those same great minds that created those problems. But he was from a generation where experts and smart people solved problems (and didn't acknowledge the problems they caused).
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

Wolter
User avatar
Half Foghorn Leghorn, Half Albert Brooks
Posts: 55432
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 7:59pm
Location: ¡HOLIDAY RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OAD!

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Wolter »

”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson

"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"

Inder
User avatar
corecore vanguard
Posts: 10679
Joined: 14 Jun 2008, 3:28pm

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Inder »


JennyB
User avatar
Mossad Van Driver
Posts: 22252
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 1:13pm
Location: Moranjortsville

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by JennyB »

This is my all time favorite, also a classic: http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinto ... -iraq,645/
Got a Rake? Sure!

IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M

" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

JennyB wrote:This is my all time favorite, also a classic: http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinto ... -iraq,645/
I am such a bad person because I can't help but laugh at retard(ed) jokes.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

CorwoodRep
User avatar
Unknown Immortal
Posts: 6365
Joined: 17 Jun 2008, 2:39am

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by CorwoodRep »

It's weird because a friend of mine works there and I had the chance to, but most of the lower-ranking people who work there, like, write the video tickers or news in brief, have to submit 20, 40 ideas a week with minimal recycling, and there are a lot of rules about how to do shit. The atmosphere is shockingly corporate and not fun at all. Dude quit a job because the Onion ate up too much of his time each week. And for the year he's worked there, he's gotten a grand total of zero things on the front page. A lot of the ideas are for long-term in-development TV and web projects.
"Put down the meth, boy." - TeddyB, 2013.

JennyB
User avatar
Mossad Van Driver
Posts: 22252
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 1:13pm
Location: Moranjortsville

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by JennyB »

Billy Joel wrote:It's weird because a friend of mine works there and I had the chance to, but most of the lower-ranking people who work there, like, write the video tickers or news in brief, have to submit 20, 40 ideas a week with minimal recycling, and there are a lot of rules about how to do shit. The atmosphere is shockingly corporate and not fun at all. Dude quit a job because the Onion ate up too much of his time each week. And for the year he's worked there, he's gotten a grand total of zero things on the front page. A lot of the ideas are for long-term in-development TV and web projects.
That doesn't surprise me at all.
Got a Rake? Sure!

IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M

" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy

JennyB
User avatar
Mossad Van Driver
Posts: 22252
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 1:13pm
Location: Moranjortsville

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by JennyB »

Dr. Medulla wrote:
JennyB wrote:This is my all time favorite, also a classic: http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinto ... -iraq,645/
I am such a bad person because I can't help but laugh at retard(ed) jokes.
I see that article much more as an indictment of people who go overboard to praise people solely for their developmental disabilities. Or so I keep telling myself. :shifty:
Got a Rake? Sure!

IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M

" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

JennyB wrote:
Billy Joel wrote:It's weird because a friend of mine works there and I had the chance to, but most of the lower-ranking people who work there, like, write the video tickers or news in brief, have to submit 20, 40 ideas a week with minimal recycling, and there are a lot of rules about how to do shit. The atmosphere is shockingly corporate and not fun at all. Dude quit a job because the Onion ate up too much of his time each week. And for the year he's worked there, he's gotten a grand total of zero things on the front page. A lot of the ideas are for long-term in-development TV and web projects.
That doesn't surprise me at all.
To be fair, high quality comedy, especially satire, isn't easy, so having a demanding structure around it probably is necessary. Writing has to be treated as a job; if you're just waiting for inspiration, you're going to spend a lot of time jerking off.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

Wolter
User avatar
Half Foghorn Leghorn, Half Albert Brooks
Posts: 55432
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 7:59pm
Location: ¡HOLIDAY RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OAD!

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Wolter »

JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
JennyB wrote:This is my all time favorite, also a classic: http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinto ... -iraq,645/
I am such a bad person because I can't help but laugh at retard(ed) jokes.
I see that article much more as an indictment of people who go overboard to praise people solely for their developmental disabilities. Or so I keep telling myself. :shifty:
Whatever. Don Tardos are just funny.
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson

"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

JennyB wrote:
Dr. Medulla wrote:
JennyB wrote:This is my all time favorite, also a classic: http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinto ... -iraq,645/
I am such a bad person because I can't help but laugh at retard(ed) jokes.
I see that article much more as an indictment of people who go overboard to praise people solely for their developmental disabilities. Or so I keep telling myself. :shifty:
Oh definitely. The joke is on the overtly sensitive and reassuring types who make huge displays of everything. And yet, those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

Dr. Medulla
User avatar
Atheistic Epileptic
Posts: 115976
Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
Location: Straight Banana, Idaho

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by Dr. Medulla »

Could go in the MLB thread, but I'll give this one a bump.
16,000 Diamondbacks Fans Killed On Complimentary Rattlesnake Night
Image
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

tepista
User avatar
Foul-Mouthed Werewolf
Posts: 37871
Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 11:25am
Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one

Re: The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

Post by tepista »

We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Post Reply